


The New Directions' Disaster Chat

by admirabletragedy



Category: Glee
Genre: Bisexual Blaine Anderson, F/F, F/M, M/M, More tags will be added as the story progresses, chat fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:15:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28487418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/admirabletragedy/pseuds/admirabletragedy
Summary: ••••••••Britt: do crabs look up and think that fish are flyingFinn: woah.Kurt: that would be assuming that crabs have the ability to thinkRachel: Can crabs even look up?Puck: mr. Krabs canSantana: the fact that you knew that so quickly says a lot about your personality••••••••
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel, Finn Hudson & Kurt Hummel, Finn Hudson & Noah Puckerman, Kurt Hummel & Mercedes Jones, Kurt Hummel & Santana Lopez, Rachel Berry & Kurt Hummel & Mercedes Jones, Rachel Berry & Quinn Fabray, Rachel Berry & Tina Cohen-Chang, Santana Lopez/Brittany S. Pierce
Comments: 28
Kudos: 40





	1. destruction is imminent

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [hit my phone](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26382061) by [snakebitewrites](https://archiveofourown.org/users/snakebitewrites/pseuds/snakebitewrites). 



> • Don't think too hard about the timeline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt: a spider just fell on my face I hate this school
> 
> Quinn: he screamed, it was hilarious.

**[Kurt’s Snapchat]**

**[Kurt's Private Snapchat Story]**

**tired gay thoughts only**

  
  


[ _The camera pans to Finn lying sideways on Kurt's bed, slowly sliding off the edge. Finn looks up at Kurt, behind the camera._ ]

“God you're so dramatic.”

Finn gasps as Kurt kicks him in the arm with a sock covered foot.

Finn slides off more, “Scar! Brother! Help me!”

[ _The camera shakes as Kurt reaches forward, his arm visible in the frame. Only Finn’s chest is on the bed._ ]

Kurt’s voice is baritone, “Long live the king.”

[ _Kurt shoves Finn’s shoulder and Finn screeches as he loses his grip on the duvet. A thump, as well as Kurt’s muffled laughter, can be heard as the snap ends._ ]

* * *

**[New Directions Chat]**

**Rachel** has named the chat **New Directions✨**

**Rachel:** I figured I'd make a chat for all of us!!

**Kurt:** And you decided to do this in the middle of economics because…

**Rachel:** And you decided to pay attention to me instead of listening to the teacher because...

**Kurt:** I can multitask but okay go off.

**Mercedes:** Lmaoo,, Rachel just got her phone taken away

**Santana:** as she should

  
  


* * *

  
  


**[New Directions Chat]**

****New Directions✨** **

  
  


**Tina:** guys

**Tina:** guys oh my god

**Tina:** they just found a rAt on campus

**Britt:** Rachel’s been here since the first day of school tho

**Santana:** BRITTSKJGKJJMKJ

**Britt:** SANTANAADJKHKHJMK

**Mercedes:** TINA!! WHERES THE RAT??

**Kurt:** in anatomy

**Santana:** I HATE IT WHEN YOU MAKE ME LAUGH

**Tina:** since when did this turn into a Rach-Hate chat 😭

**Mercedes:** Tina you can't do this to me. Where did they find the rat? is it still loose??

**Tina:** oh they caught it; it was by Kurt's dumpster 

**Mike:** KuRT’s DuMPsTeR

**Kurt:** 🙃

  
  


* * *

  
  


**[New Directions Chat]**

****New Directions✨** **

  
  


**Kurt:** a spider just fell on my face I hate this school

**Quinn:** he screamed, it was hilarious.

**Finn:** PLEASE tell me you caught that on camera

**Quinn:** spider-kurt.mov

[ _The camera zooms in on Kurt's face as he stares wide-eyed at the wall. Kurt's palm, facing the camera is red. He mouths “Oh my god” to the camera. In the background you can hear a teacher talking._ ]

**Finn:** yes.

**Kurt:** Can someone come get this knife out my back please?

**Quinn:** 🤷🏼♀️

**Mercedes:** oh my god Kurt did you slap yourself 😭

**Kurt:** no.

**Quinn:** *yes

**Kurt:** thanks Quinn

**Quinn:** 😘

  
  


* * *

  
  


**[Rachel, Kurt, and Mercedes' Chat]**

**wednesdays we wear pink**

  
  


**Rachel:** Do either of you have plans for the weekend?

**Mercedes:** Nah

**Kurt:** Nope, why?

**Rachel:** Movie marathon @ my house after practice on Friday?

**Kurt:** you know I can't resist a movie marathon Rachel 😩

**Rachel:** 😌✨

**Mercedes:** Want me to bring over any movies?

**Rachel:** I have loads already but if you have something in mind, sure!

**Kurt:** I have to drive Finn to school on Friday but I can pick you guys up on the way and you can just keep your bags in my car, Mercedes

**Rachel:** Will you need to drop Finn at home after school?

**Kurt:** He can go with Mike, they always hang out on Fridays 

**Mercedes:** if anything happens to my bags while they're in the nav I will break you Kurt 

**Kurt:** Duly noted.

  
  


* * *

  
  


**[Kurt’s Snapchat]**

**[Finn** ➟ **Kurt]**

  
  


**BIG BRO**

**|** [ _Sent video_ ] 

[ _Finn's hand, in frame, reaches out to push Kurt's barely-open bedroom door. It swings quietly, and The camera focuses on Kurt and Blaine, both wearing jeans and hoodies, curled up together on top of Kurt's bed. There's a forgotten book open on Blaine's lap, and he's reclining on the pillows stacked behind him. Kurt is half-sitting on him, his head resting on Blaine's shoulder and his leg and arm thrown across Blaine._ ]

**4:40 PM**

**ME**

**|** I should ask why you were opening my door in

 **|** the first place but thank you

_You saved a video._

**6:32 PM**

  
  


* * *

  
  


**[Blaine** ➟ **Kurt]**

  
  


**Blaine:** Goodnight, Kurt!

**Kurt:** Goodnight! 

**Blaine:** <3

  
  


* * *

  
  


**[New Directions Chat]**

****New Directions✨** **

  
  


**Puck:** ayo where's finn

**Finn:** At home?

**Finn:** I'm sick 

**Rachel:** Feel better soon!

**Sam:** ^^

**Tina:** ^

**Mike:** ^^^

**Artie:** ^^

**Quinn:** ^^

**Britt:** ^^^^^

  
•••••••• 

**[Finn’s Snapchat]**

**[Kurt** ➟ **Finn]**

**LITTLE BRO**

**|** Want me to pick up some Tylenol on the way 

**|** home?

**ME**

**|** oh my god please

**ME**

**|** but like don't go out of your way for it or 

**|** anything

**LITTLE BRO**

**|** It's fine, Blaine and I were going to meet up at 

**|** the mall anyways, the pharmacy's close by.

**ME**

**|** oh?

**LITTLE BRO**

**|** Frozen yogurt

**ME**

**|** ah

  
  


* * *

  
  


**[Blaine** ➟ **Kurt]**

  
  


**Blaine:** Courage.

**Kurt:** Courage.

  
  


* * *

  
  


**[Kurt’s Snapchat]**

**[Blaine** ➟ **Kurt]**

  
  


**AMOUR**

**|** if youre busy thats totally fine but can we please 

**|** see each other today

**ME**

**|** Of course

**ME**

**|** Is everything okay?

**AMOUR**

**|** yes

**ME**

**|** Your lack of apostrophes makes me think 

**|** otherwise but okay

**AMOUR**

**|** **...**

 **|** it's stupid 

**ME**

**|** Not if it's bothering you

**AMOUR**

**|** I'll tell you later

**ME**

**|** Okay 

**|** Courage <3

**AMOUR**

**|** courage <3

**12:50 PM**

•••••••• 

  
  


**[Blaine’s Snapchat]**

**[Kurt** ➟ **Blaine]**

  
  


**MAHAL**

**|** Hey, sweetheart, do you want to meet 

**|** somewhere by Dalton or closer to McKinley?

**ME**

**|** Can we go to Breadstix please

**MAHAL**

**|** I’ll find a table and start my hw, don’t worry 

**|** about rushing here 

**|** Not that I don’t want to see you as soon as 

**|** possible

**ME**

**|** I know, love, don’t worry, I’ll drive safely

**MAHAL**

**|** <3

**ME**

**|** <3

**3:25 PM**

•••••••• 

**ME**

**|** Thank you for today

**MAHAL**

**|** Thank you for letting me in

**ME**

**|** I love you. I always want to let you in

**MAHAL**

**|** I love you too, sweetheart, and I know, I do too.

 **|** What matters is that we’re working on it 

**|** together

**ME**

**|** ♥️

**MAHAL**

**|** ♥️

**7:57 PM**

  
  


* * *

  
  


**[New Directions Chat]**

**New Directions✨**

**  
Britt:** do crabs look up and think that fish are flying

**Finn:** woah.

**Kurt:** that would be assuming that crabs have the ability to think

**Rachel:** Can crabs even look up?

**Puck:** mr. Krabs can

**Santana:** the fact that you knew that so quickly says a lot about your personality

**Quinn:** says the one that watched the wiggles

**Santana:** idk what you're talking about

**Artie:** the Wiggles lmfao

**Rachel:** Hannah Montana was my favorite show😌

**Kurt:** ofc it was

**Artie:** fr though

**Rachel:** What’s that supposed to mean ?!

**Mike:** guys...

**Mike:** the wonder pets.

**Britt:** yes.

**Sam:** y e s .

**Tina:** that show was amazing omg

**Mercedes:** Ik ur not just going to act like the backyardigans didn't exist

**Quinn:** Kurt, what show did you watch?

**Santana:** I'm willing to bet it was some posh French kids show

**Kurt:** I watched marley and me when I was five and that's rlly all that needs to be said

**Santana:** that-

**Santana:** that actually makes a startling amount of sense

  
  


* * *

  
  


**[Santana’s Snapchat]**

**[Britt** ➟ **Santana]**

  
  


**BRITT BRITT**

**|** I miss your sweet lady kisses

**ME**

**|** We've been in class for like 10 minutes, Britt 

**BRITT BRITT**

**|** 🥺

**ME**

**|** I'm omw

**BRITT BRITT**

**|** 😁 🎉 

  
  


•••••••• 

**[Santana** ➟ **Kurt]**

  
  


**ME**

**|** Cover for Britt

**LADY HUMMEL**

**|** Uh…

 **|** Sure

 **|** Should I be concerned?

**ME**

**|** Nope.

**LADY HUMMEL**

**|** Very well, as you were

  
  


* * *

  
  


**[New Directions Chat]**

**New Directions✨**

**Santana:** Kurt stop chewing that ice so damn loud

**Kurt:** no ❤️

**Tina:** the way he started chewing louder 🤡

**Rachel:** You better finish before I perform.

**Puck:** 😛

**Kurt:** Never use that emoji. Ever.

**Rachel:** Kurt Hummel.

**Kurt:** Rachel Berry.

**Britt:** Why are you acting high

**Kurt:** it's my natural charm.

**Santana:** as if

**Kurt:** unlike you, Santana, I don't have to throw my body at every person I meet. I attract others by being myself.

**Finn:** holy shit dude

**Artie:** 😳

**Mike:** run.

**Santana:** I'm going to ignore that comment because you're usually not this testy, lady, but seriously what crawled up your ass and died today

**Kurt:** nothing

**Santana:** bullshit

**Kurt:** drop. it.

**Rachel:** what just happened

**Puck:** idk but I feel like heating up some popcorn

•••••••• 

  
**[Santana** ➟ **Kurt]**

  
  


**Santana:** okay seriously wtf is going on

**Kurt:** Santana.

**Santana:** you've been acting all tense and weird all of today and you practically sprinted out of class today.

**Santana:** which I obviously wouldn't blame you for but unlike me, you choose to stay around after class and talk to those losers

**Santana:** listen I'm the queen of repressing shit, and even I know that whatever's going on, you need to spill or you'll end up actually offending someone

**Kurt:** since when did you care about offending other people

**Santana:** since our glee clubs honorary gay rainbow lost his glow

**Kurt:** Santana why should I even consider telling you, you're terrible at keeping secrets

**Santana:** name a single time I've spilled a secret of yours 

**Kurt:** you practically outed me earlier this year Santana

**Santana:** ???

**Kurt:** nothing forget it

**Santana:** look, I wouldn't ever say anything to intentionally out you 

**Santana:** and was there really anything to out in the first place

**Kurt:** stop

**Santana:** did I hit a nerve 

**Kurt:** I'm five seconds away from shutting my phone down

**Kurt:** 5

**Kurt:** 4

**Kurt:** 3

**Kurt:** 2

**Santana:** how am I meant to avoid offending you if I don't even know what offends you

**Kurt:** ask

**Santana:** this is me asking.

**Kurt:** don't call me Lady

**Santana:** care to elaborate?

**Kurt:** I hate that that's how everyone sees me. I hate being harassed for hiding who I am and the harassment for showing who I am. I hate that everyone hears my voice and sees how I dress and immediately thinks I'm too girly or weak 

**Kurt:** and god I really hate that being called that doesn't even bother me but it's used as an insult and it just makes me want to scream.

**Kurt:** i shouldn't be saying this

**Santana:** would it help if you had something on me too

**Santana:** since you clearly don't trust me otherwise 

**Kurt:** that's not what I meant Santana you were just pushing me and I snapped

**Santana:** doesn't matter

**Santana:** yes or no

**Kurt:** you shouldn't feel obligated to tell me anything you don't want to

**Santana:** no. It's fine, I trust you.

**Santana:** and even if you did say something,,,

**Kurt:** I wouldn't 

**Santana:** I'm gay

**Santana:** I'm a lesbian, or whatever,

**Kurt:** oh

**Santana:** I swear if you tell anyone, Hummel

**Kurt:** no, that's not

**Kurt:** it caught me by surprise, is all, but I'm proud of you 

**Kurt:** I can tell that wasn't easy

**Kurt:** and I'm proud of you for telling me.

**Kurt:** how do you feel now?

**Santana:** anxious, idk, stupid, yet wildly high at the same time

**Kurt:** the first person I ever told was Mercedes and I remember she said that I shouldn't have to hide who I am.

**Kurt:** I'm not pushing you to tell anyone else but I am grateful you told me and I hope you know that if you do decide to tell the others, I'll have your back

**Santana:** I know

**Santana:** thank you

**Kurt:** so

**Kurt:** Britt, huh? I can see it

**Santana:** you can't tell anyone.

**Kurt:** Santana, I don't know how many times I need to say that I won't

**Kurt:** I know we don't have the best track record and I know we've had our moments in the past but I won't speak a word of this to anyone.

**Kurt:** I would never out anyone 

**Santana:** I know I just

**Kurt:** you don't have to explain

**Kurt:** trust me, I get it, the fear

**Kurt:** enough of that.

**Kurt:** do you want to go get ice cream with me?

**Santana:** aww are you asking me out

**Kurt:** as a friend, yes. 

**Santana:** yes, I'd like that

**Kurt:** :)

•••••••• 

**[Santana’s Snapchat]**

**Santana** has changed **_Lady Hummel_** ’s name to **_Pasty Gay_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> • Mahal (Filipino), as a pet name, translates to "dearest" or "expensive"
> 
> • Amour (French) translates to "love"


	2. the world is gonna roll me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rachel: Today seems like a good day for a Disney movie marathon
> 
> Quinn: is that your subtle way of saying I look like I've had a terrible day?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> three of the sections are irl texts, i'll let you guess which ones...

**[Finn’s Snapchat]**

**[Finn** ➟ **Kurt]**

  
  


**ME**

**|** T-minus 10 minutes

**LITTLE BRO**

**|** Finn you're talking about your commute

**|** home, not commentating a rocket

**|** launch

**ME**

**|** not with that attitude I'm not

**LITTLE BRO**

**|** that doesn't even make any sense

**ME**

**|** you don't make any sense

**LITTLE BRO**

**|** get off your phone and start driving

**ME**

**|** yes, mom

**LITTLE BRO**

**|**

**ME**

**|** no u

**ME**

**|** okay I'm putting my phone down

**LITTLE BRO**

**|** good.

**ME**

**|** u scare me sometimes, bro

**LITTLE BRO**

**|** _g o o d ._

  
  


* * *

  
  


**[Blaine’s Snapchat]**

**[Kurt** ➟ **Blaine]**

  
  


**MAHAL**

**|** I still have somewhere only we know

**|** stuck in my head

**MAHAL**

**|** that's a compliment, you know I love

**|** your voice

**ME**

**|** Only the best for my bestest friend

**MAHAL**

**|** If it was anyone else that sent that

**|** they'd be blocked, you're lucky I love

**|** you

**ME**

**|** I know

**MAHAL**

**|** Don't you dare make me tear up in 

**|** french class istg

**MAHAL**

**|** wait

**MAHAL**

**|**...was that a star wars reference

**ME**

**|** *runs intensely in the opposite

**|** direction*

**MAHAL**

**|** BLAiNE

**MAHAL**

**|** I rlly thought that was a _moment_ I'm-

**ME**

**|** you know I love you and I'm immensely

**|** grateful that you love me too 

**MAHAL**

**|** +50 boyfriend points

**ME**

**|** ☺️♥️

  
  
  


* * *

  
  


**[Quinn** ➟ **Santana]**

**Quinn:** how are you doing today btw?

**Santana:** oh just the usual

**Santana:** mentally unstable,,, but i’m chillin **😎**

  
  


* * *

  
  


**[Kurt** ➟ **Blaine]**

  
  


**Kurt:** I had to time myself for anatomy to see how long I could keep my balance on one leg with my head back and eyes closed and I started losing balance so I put my foot down and accidently stepped on Rachel’s bungee chair and my other foot landed on the carpet so I fell onto the ground oh my god

**Blaine:** Wait was that the chair I got stuck in 💀💀💀

**Kurt:** Same type but in her room

**Blaine:** Such a fun chair to sit in but once your foot goes into a hole it’s over 💀

**Kurt:** Except my foot landed on the bungee string and I didn't know wtf was happening until I hit the floor lmao

**Blaine:** 😭😭😭

**Blaine:** So you like flew a bit 💀💀

**Kurt: 🥲**

**Blaine:** are you okay though?

**Blaine:** I should've asked that from the beginning 

**Kurt:** I'm okay lol

**Blaine:** good

**Blaine:** for a second there I was getting ready to defend your honor

**Kurt:** from what? Rachel's bungee chair? 😭

**Blaine:** I'd fight that chair so hard 😤

**Kurt:** my knight in shining armor

  
  


* * *

  
  


**[New Directions Chat]**

**New Directions✨**

  
  


**Puck:** somebody

**Finn:** once told me

**Sam:** the world is gonna roll me

**Puck:** I ain't the sharpest tool 

**Artie:** in the shed

**Tina:** she was looking kinda dumb

**Britt:** with her finger 👆🏻 and her thumb 👍🏻

**Finn:** in the shape of an L 

**Santana:** on her forehead

**Artie:** well the years start coming 

**Mike:** and they don't stop coming

**Kurt:** fed to the rules

**Mercedes:** and I hit the ground running

**Quinn:** didn't make sense not to live for fun

**Artie:** your brain gets smart 

**Mike:** but your head gets dumb

**Finn:** so much to do

**Tina:** so much to see 

**Santana:** so what's wrong with taking 

**Mercedes:** the back streets

**Britt:** you'll never know 🧠 if you don't go🏃🏼♀️

**Rachel:** You’ll never shine if you don't glow ⭐️

**Puck:** hey now

**Sam:** youre an all star

**Mercedes:** get your game on

**Kurt:** go play 

**Finn:** go play

**Kurt:** *groans* fiNN

**Puck:** FINN BRO YOU GOTTA STOP

**Finn:** STOP SHOUTING AT ME

**Santana:** damnit Finn

**Mercedes:** now he's gonna make us start over istg

**Finn:** IM SORRY OKAY

**Rachel:** We were doing so well 😭

**Tina:** ANNND LETS TAKE IT FROM THE TOP

**Puck:** SOMEBODY

**Sam:** ONCE TOLD ME

  
  


* * *

  
  


**[Kurt** ➟ **Blaine]**

  
  


**Kurt:** What would you say if I told you I wanted to wear skirts sometimes?

**Blaine:** I'd tell you the truth, that you'd look stunning no matter what you wore.

**Kurt:** thank you 

**Kurt:** I love you

**Blaine:** I love you too, all of you, because I think you're perfect and amazing and beautiful 

**Kurt:** I- I'm not sure how to respond to that but you should know I feel the same about you

**Kurt:** Are you free tonight?

**Blaine:** my schedule is clear ☺️

**Kurt:** You should come over to my house for dinner. 

**Kurt:** And to help me make dinner; you need to teach me your mom's adobo recipe 

**Blaine:** I'd really, really like that

**Kurt:** can you be at my house by 5? 

**Blaine:** yes 

**Kurt:** ♥️

**Blaine:** ♥️

  
  


* * *

  
  


**[Rachel** ➟ **Quinn]**

  
  


**Rachel:** Today seems like a good day for a Disney movie marathon

**Quinn:** is that your subtle way of saying I look like I've had a terrible day?

**Rachel:** Would I be wrong?

**Quinn:** no, today's been the worst

**Rachel:** Do I need to yell at anybody?

**Quinn:** nope, you may preserve your vocal chords 

**Quinn:** Santana & Kurt have it covered

**Rachel:** That bad, huh?

**Quinn:** 🙃

**Rachel:** I’ll be watching Tangled at my house @6

**Rachel:** I wouldn't mind some company

**Rachel:** But I will be singing along. Non-negotiable.

**Quinn:** I'll be there

**Rachel:** Good 😌

  
  


* * *

  
  


**[New Directions Chat]**

**New Directions ✨**

  
  


**Tina:** what songs are you guys choosing?

**Puck:** idek the theme

**Rachel:** the theme is platonic love

**Puck:** okay

**Puck:** I still don't know the theme

**Kurt:** choose a song about friendship

**Puck:** OH

**Puck:** you could've just said that, rachel 

**Artie:** smh rachel 

**Rachel:** I'm not even wasting my time with a response 

**Santana:** she says, responding

**Mercedes:** Tina do u even know what song you're doing yet?

**Tina:** not rlly

**Kurt:** does it even matter tbh the theme’s probably gonna be changed at least twice before we perform

**Mercedes:** literally though 

**Mercedes:** every. Time.

**Quinn:** I'm singing two birds

**Quinn:** by regina spektor 

**Kurt:** ooooh you'll sound amazing singing that

**Quinn:** 💖

**Finn:** now I feel like I have to actually start thinking about a song

**Sam:** ^^^

**Kurt:** wait omg

**Mercedes:** ???

**Kurt:** Quinn, do you care if I choose a regina spektor song, too?

**Quinn:** go for it

**Kurt:** the call

**Rachel:** Omg that's literally perfect for you, Kurt

**Mercedes:** I am suddenly?? Looking forward to the theme this week ??

**Quinn:** solid choice, Kurt

**Kurt:** 😄

**Artie:** I literally can't think of any songs

**Finn:** same 

**Rachel:** Finn you should sing Help!

**Kurt:** ^^^

**Santana:** isn't that more *wriggles eyebrows* than platonic tho

**Tina:** tbf i don't think it has to be

**Britt:** songs can be whatever you want them to be.

**Britt:** mostly

**Britt:** Not it's raining tacos. That's about tacos.

**Finn:** sooo 

**Finn:** who still hasn't decided?

**Mike:** me, tina, sam, britt, santana, rachel, puck, artie, and mercedes

**Rachel:** Oh, no, I'm singing Popular from the Broadway musical Wicked

**Mike:** *me, tina, sam, britt, santana, puck, artie, and mercedes

**Tina:** one of us could do i don't care by fob

**Santana:** I CALL DIBS

**Tina:** I-

**Tina:** okay

**Kurt:** I just know Santana only chose that cause of the title

**Santana:** and you would be correct

**Kurt:** ✨

**Mike:** *me, tina, sam, britt, puck, artie, and mercedes

**Britt:** Nope, I'm singing Firework

**Mike:** *me, tina, sam, puck, artie, and mercedes

**Kurt:** I'm surprised no one’s chosen wannabe

**Tina:** omg Mercedes you should totally sing that song

**Mercedes:** I was about to say you should 😳

**Tina:** nope, it's yours. I've declared it.

**Mercedes:** 😚

**Tina:** 🥰

**Mike:** *me, tina, sam, puck, and artie

**Mike:** nm,, mr. shue just said I could dance to one of your songs 

**Puck:** ughhh why are there literally no songs about friendship wth man

**Tina:** ^^^

**Artie:** 😔

**Sam:** ^^

**Mike:** ^^^

  
  


* * *

  
  


**[Twitter]**

**[Private Account]**

  
  


**blaine ☼** @byebibye

I’m going to take the biggest L from this french test

••• **replies**

**> kurt ☾ **@counterteno

I'm literally fluent Blaine, you could've 

just asked for help

**> > blaine ☼ **@byebibye

But procrastination 😭

**> >> kurt ☾ **@counterteno

smh

**> >>> blaine ☼ **@byebibye

😔

  
  


* * *

  
  


**[Kurt** ➟ **Blaine]**

  
  


**Kurt:** I know you were there when I tried this on but...

**Kurt:** skirt.mov

**Blaine:** hehe kurt in a skirt

**Blaine:** you look gorgeous 

**Kurt:** are you going to make that joke every time I wear a skirt??

**Kurt:** thank you ♥️

**Blaine:** I know you love my jokes 😏

**Kurt:** They're endearing, I’ll give you that

**Blaine:** 😁

**Kurt:** 🤦🏼♥️

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> • Mahal (Filipino), as a pet name, translates to "dearest" or "expensive"
> 
> ••••••••
> 
> It took me way to long to figure out songs that fit the theme and were released prior to 2011,,,
> 
> Me: let them have access to modern technology and apps
> 
> Also me: songs from 2011 oNLY
> 
> ••••••••
> 
> >>> Comments fuel me 😅


	3. the one where they try yoga

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> that bitch✨ @cheeriho  
> @counterteno is my favorite gay send tweet  
> ••• replies
> 
> > kurt ☾ @counterteno  
> Santana I'm the only gay you know

**[Santana’s Snapchat]**

**[Santana’s Snapchat Story]**

  
  


[Quinn stands in front of the camera, wearing an off-the-shoulder turquoise dress. Red roses are embroidered onto the fabric, which barely brushes her knees. She looks up as Santana — behind the camera — calls her name. 

“Give us a twirl! Give us a twirl!” Santana shouts. Kurt and Brittany, also behind the camera, join in, whooping as Quinn spins, keeping her hands at her waist to stop the dress from lifting too high.

Before the video ends, Kurt can be heard yelling “ICONIC!”]

**Video captioned QUEEN SHIT.**

  
  


••••••••

  
  


**[Quinn, Santana, Britt, and Kurt Chat]**

**boo, you whore**

  
  


**Santana:** not posting these but eat them up 

**Kurt:** Should I be concerned?

**Santana:** _[Video Sent]_

[Kurt and Britt are in frame, Kurt’s wearing a knee-length skirt and a navy, mesh top. Next to him, Britt dons an ombré yellow-orange spaghetti strap dress.

“Okay, go.” Santana directs from out of frame. Kurt and Britt look up at the camera, their hands held between each other. Prompted by Santana, they begin to spin around at the same time, lifting their arms up so their hands stay tangled. They succeed, laughing as they do, and when they face each other again, they're both smiling wide.]

**Santana:** _[Video Sent]_

[Santana laughs as the camera pans from Britt and Quinn to Kurt, zooming in on his face. Kurt looks up, eyes wide, “This is a terrible idea.” 

Santana cackles, ending the video]

**Santana:** _[Video Sent]_

[The camera points to Quinn and Britt. 

Britt is lying down — her back against the ground — and Quinn is standing on her right, closest to the camera. 

Santana laughs sporadically, as though she's making an effort to hide it. Kurt, also behind the camera, whispers, “Oh my god.”

Britt holds her arms up straight and moves so her knees are bent and feet are facing up. Quinn squints in concentration, linking her hands with Britt’s and leaning forward, balancing her left knee on Britt’s foot.

“Oh my god.” Kurt whispers, again. Santana wheezes.

Britt's arms shake minutely at the added weight but settle as Quinn carefully lifts her other knee to Britt’s foot, their knuckles white from how tightly they're gripping hands.

Santana flips the camera so she and Kurt appear in frame, Kurt’s jaw dropped as he continues to watch the girls. Santana sinks down into the couch, the footage shaky, tears in her eyes as she laughs.]

**Santana:** _[Video Sent]_

[Santana and Kurt have taken Quinn and Britt’s place on Britt’s carpet, Kurt is on the ground.

Santana looks up to the camera, at Kurt, and back to the camera again, “Do we _have_ to do this?” 

Quinn and Britt, both behind the camera, answer yes at the same, Quinn adding, “It's your turn now!”

Kurt points a finger at the ceiling, “For the record, I think this is a horrible, terrible idea.”

Santana turns to face him, lightly kicking his leg with her foot, “C’mon linguine arms, I am not about to be shown up by the resident blondes.”

Kurt rolls his eyes but reaches his arms up anyway, lifting his legs as well, feet up and mirroring Britt's earlier pose, “I could just drop you, you know.”

Santana links their fingers as she stretches forward, “Yeah, onto yourself, dipshit. I would be making sure to land hits in _the_ most painful places for you.”

“Wanky,” Kurt deadpans.

Santana lifts one knee to Kurt's foot, pausing to glare at him.

They both grow quiet as Santana moves her other knee up, balancing above Kurt.

Santana looks to the camera, “HA.”

Kurt grins.

Britt shouts, “Look out.” As a pillow sails into frame, flying into the duo’s arms.

Santana startles, losing her balance as her hand slips from Kurt’s, and screams.

Kurt moves the hand she let go of in front of his face, gripping Santana’s hand with the other.

She flops down onto him with a sharp wheeze, one of her knees nailing him in the side. 

Their hands still gripping each other are splayed to the side as Santana lays on top of Kurt, her face buried in his shoulder as he lies half-turned sideways, his free hand pressing into his side as he groans.]

**Santana:** _[Video Sent]_

[Santana and Kurt are both lying on the ground, Santana on top of Kurt as they catch their breath. 

“I told you,” Kurt grits out, “this was a terrible idea.”

Santana nods, her face hidden by Kurt’s shoulder, before she begins to shake. Santana can be heard laughing. Soon, the others join in as well.]

  
  
  


* * *

  
  


**[Twitter]**

**[Private Account]**

  
  


**that bitch✨** @cheeriho

@counterteno is my favorite gay send tweet

**••• replies**

> **kurt ☾** @counterteno

Santana I'm the only gay you know

>> **that bitch✨** @cheeriho

nm

>>> **san’s fave gay ☾** @counterteno

too late for takebacks 

  
  


••••••••

  
  


**blaine ☼** @byebibye

@counterteno should I be concerned about your dn

**••• replies**

> **san’s fave gay ☾** @counterteno

no comment

>> **blaine ☼** @byebibye

You’re my favorite everything >:-[

>>> **blaine’s fave ☾** @counterteno

And don't I know it ;)

>>>> **blaine ☼** @byebibye

*gay screaming*

>>>>> **wes** @kneelb4thegavel

I thought u were bi 

>>>>>> **david** @fulltimeidiot

I tHoUgHT u wEre AmEricAn

**••• replies**

> **blaine ☼** @byebibye

Your dumbass energy just ruined our

moment

>> **blaine's left eyebrow** @fulltimeidiot

Try me

>>> **blaine ☼** @byebibye

DHHHJVFUJVR STOP

>>>> **blaine’s fave ☾** @counterteno

Don't listen to a word they say, I

love your eyebrows 😤

>>>>> **blaine ☼** @byebibye

🥺♥️

  
  


* * *

  
  


**[Blaine’s Snapchat]**

**[Blaine** ➟ **Kurt]**

  
  


**ME**

**|** I seriously can't believe we've gone all

 **|** this time without discussing our

 **|** Hogwarts houses

**MAHAL**

**|** Your nerdiness is adorable 

**ME**

**|** deny all you want, I know you love it

 **|** just as much as I do

**MAHAL**

**|** Fine, I’ll bite

 **|** What house do you think I'm in?

**ME**

**|** Gryffindor 100%

 **|** You're the bravest person I know

 **|** and an adorably chivalrous boyfriend 

**MAHAL**

**|** You can't just say that, Blaine, you

 **|** know I melt every time you call me

 **|** your boyfriend 

**ME**

**|** mmhmm and I bet you're blushing

 **|** now, too

**MAHAL**

**|** _anyways_

 **|** hmm, Gryffindor, I can see it

 **|** I could pull off the red

**ME**

**|** It'd match your blush

 **|** What house do ya think I'm in?

**MAHAL**

**|** Hufflepuff 

**|** endearing, loyal, friendly, kind

 **|** Not to be cheesy but you were able to

 **|** find me, as well

**ME**

**|** Not to be cheesy but I'm so glad I did

**MAHAL**

**|** why do these conversations always end

 **|** in me tearing up

**ME**

**|** no clue but if we keep doing this my

 **|** french teacher will catch on and ask me

 **|** why I'm crying and then I'll have to

 **|** answer in French and oh my god, Kurt,

 **|** I barely remember how to say good 

**|** afternoon half the time

**MAHAL**

**|**

**ME**

**|** ♥️

**MAHAL**

**|** ♥️

  
  


* * *

  
  


**[Britt’s Snapchat]**

**[Britt** ➟ **Santana]**

  
  


**ME**

**|** Babe

 **|** Babe

 **|** San 🥺

**SAN ❤️💞🌈**

**|** Yea?

**ME**

**|** I love you

**SAN ❤️💞🌈**

**| 🔑🔓❤️**

**ME**

**|** Am I the key?

**SAN ❤️💞🌈**

**|** Always

**ME**

**|** You're my key too

 **|** Like the kind that opens up hotel rooms

 **|** But the room is my heart

**SAN ❤️💞🌈**

**|** I know, Britt 

**ME**

**| 💞🥰💞**

**SAN ❤️💞🌈**

**| 💕💕**

  
  


* * *

  
  
  


**[New Directions Chat]**

**New Directions✨**

  
  


**Puck:** SWEET CAROLINE

**Kurt:** it's three in the morning.

**Mike:** BUM 👏🏼👏🏼 BUM 👏🏼👏🏼 BUM 👏🏼👏🏼

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> • Mahal (Filipino), as a pet name, translates to "dearest" or "expensive"
> 
> • Shoutout to the tua fic "Lately My Hands Don't Feel Like Mine" by siriuspiggyback and VeteranKlaus for sending me on a quest to discover how to hover over text for translations!!! (And La_Temperanza for the tutorial)
> 
> ••••••••
> 
> The group chat name is another Mean Girls reference. I've never even watched the movie lmao I just always have the "whY are yOu WhiTe" line quoted to me when people find out my parents are South African.
> 
> ••••••••
> 
> Am I thinking of writing a Hogwarts AU? Yes. Yes, I am.


End file.
